Don’t make me say it!

Supporting Communication Without Pressure

By: Bella Sawalski

As a speech therapist, trust me when I say this: I want kids to communicate. For some children, that communication shows up as spoken words. For others, it might look like signs, pictures, gestures, buttons, or a communication device. All of it counts.

I want the children I work with to ask for their favorite toys, tell me when they need a break, share about their day at school, and express their thoughts and feelings in whatever way works best for them. Whether a child communicates verbally or nonverbally, they need more than just access to words or symbols. They also need to understand what’s being asked of them and feel safe and comfortable communicating. That feeling of safety matters even more for children who are still figuring out how they want to communicate.

That’s why, here at Simply Spoken, we encourage children to communicate when they’re ready and in ways that feel successful for them. During therapy, I model communication naturally through play and everyday interactions. That might mean modeling spoken language, signs, gestures, or AAC.

What I don’t do is force a child to say something, sign something, or press a button for play to continue. I also don’t withhold toys or activities until a child uses a specific word or symbol. When communication feels pressured, it often makes things harder, not easier. Language isn’t meant to be a test. Communication is how we connect, share experiences, express emotions, and show who we are.

If you’re hoping your child will communicate something, I gently encourage you to avoid phrases like “Say ___,” “Tell me ___,” or even “Use your words.” Instead, try modeling the language you want them to use — and then wait. Waiting can feel uncomfortable (I promise, even for therapists), but it’s incredibly important.

Children need time to process what they hear or see and decide how they want to respond. In therapy, I usually model a target phrase — like “more blocks” — two or three times at most. Then I wait about 5–10 seconds. If a child imitates the model in any way, I respond naturally with something like, “You’re right, it is blue!” If they don’t imitate by the third model, we simply keep playing.

For some older children, I might say something like, “Oh, you need to tell Ms. Bella you want the blocks. Let’s get blocks!” This shows them I understand their message while still modeling how they could express it.

What I see again and again is this: children communicate more when they feel respected, understood, and not pressured — no matter how they communicate.

This approach is supported by research, including the It Takes Two to Talk® program developed by The Hanen Centre. Their work shows that children learn communication best through comfortable, everyday interactions that follow the child’s lead rather than through pressure or demands. These are the same principles we use every day at Simply Spoken. If you’d like to learn more, you can explore The Hanen Centre’s research summary below:

So here’s my challenge to you this year:

Take the pressure off communication. Expand what communication can look like. When we honor all forms of communication and model without demanding, we create space for children to grow — confidently and authentically.

If you have questions or would like help implementing these strategies at home, please reach out to your therapist. If you’re new to Simply Spoken, we invite you to visit our contact page so we can help you get started with an evaluation.